When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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