If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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