I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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