Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
