Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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