There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
