I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
