I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Success! We fucked roommates!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
