Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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