I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
