Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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