You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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