took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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