You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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