my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
