Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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