dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
