Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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