i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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