Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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