Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
