I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
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Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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