Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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