if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
