I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
