just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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