Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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