i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
