I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
