Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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