if i can run in heels then i can drive
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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