Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
