Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
