can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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