She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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