I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.