There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
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I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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