I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back