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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  you were so drunk you slurred your pauses

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (619): View more from California

  My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (315): View more from New York

  Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.

  (1-315): View more from New York

  Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five

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• (085): View more from

  I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO

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