Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dating After Heartbreak
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday