M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
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Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?