he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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