He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
