It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
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I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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