Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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