im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
