shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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