Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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