After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
