I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
