I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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