Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
