The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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