I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
