Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
