They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
