Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
