How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
