im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
