We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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