Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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