i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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