Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
