bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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