you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
