I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize