And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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