Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
